Every Atom of Me and Every Atom of You
by Kaleidomusings
Summary: After his mother passes away, Kurt spends all day looking for her daemon. AU.


Media: Fic

Title: Every Atom of Me and Every Atom of You

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing.

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Although certain details deviate from Glee canon, the events more or less play out the same. There are also some vague spoilers from the His Dark Materials trilogy, but those will be elaborated on in notes at the beginning of the story, so people can figure out what they're getting themselves into. (More in-depth notes will be posted in the final chapter of this story, should anyone be interested in reading them.)

Warnings: Daemon AU.

Word Count: 6,247

Notes: The His Dark Materials trilogy was written by Philip Pullman and is a series that conveys the idea that every person has a daemon, a physical representation of his or her soul. They take the form of animals (or any non-human creature, like insects and the like) that best symbolize an individual's character. For young children, their daemons have the ability to shapeshift until puberty, which is known as "settling". Daemons can also communicate with words. They usually only speak with their human counterparts and sometimes other daemons, but -on very rare occasions- to other humans.

* * *

><p>After his mother passes away, Kurt spends all day looking for her daemon.<p>

Perle -in the shape of a small kitten- shivers in his arms as he wanders through the house, looking in every place he can think of. "They're gone, Kurt," she whispers after he spends hours of searching, but he tries to ignore her. "They're gone and they're never coming back."

She's right, of course, but all he can think about is Eros, his mother's daemon, a starling with brightly colored feathers. He only realized after the funeral that Eros was nowhere to be found. Not in his mother's casket or the hole in the ground random strangers lowered her in. And, hopeless it may be, he wants to believe that a part of Elizabeth Hummel is still alive somewhere.

By the time his father finds them, Kurt is curled up on his bed, sobbing into Perle's soft fur, while she mewls pitifully. Burt's daemon, a German Shepherd named Nora, settles gracefully on the floor as he sits down on the edge of the bed. (Elizabeth used to joke about how they were so different, Burt being big and burly while Nora was sleek and agile.) Both of them look tired, his father's black suit so rumpled that Kurt might have wrinkled his nose at the sight if he wasn't feeling so miserable. "Hey kiddo."

"Where's Eros?" Kurt asks, sitting up and blinking back tears. "We were looking for him, but we couldn't find him. Where did he go?"

Nora stiffens at the question, but Burt rubs comfortingly at his back. "Kurt... Daemons are special. They're a part of us from the day we're born to the day our life ends. And when it does..." He pauses, struggling to form the words, eyes pained. "And when that happens, they disappear."

Kurt bites his lip as Perle nuzzles closer. They both tremble. "Disappear where?"

"No one really knows," Nora admits, her voice deep and soft. "There are theories, only no one has been able to prove any of them. But your mom and Eros..." She pauses for a moment. "I'm sure they're in a better place."

Kurt leans against Burt's shoulder, tears streaming down his face. He thinks about how worn and thin his mother had looked the last he saw her, Eros too exhausted even to lift his head. How he promised to bring his mother her favorite flowers and how her face light up in response. How his father woke him up in the middle of the night, eyes bloodshot and teary, telling him he had bad news.

None of that compares to knowledge that his mother is gone forever, and all that remains is a memory.

* * *

><p>Perle settled late.<p>

Kurt knows the other McKinley students whisper about it behind his back, as if it's something to be ashamed of. And it doesn't help that Rachel and her cardinal daemon, Ariel, bring it up _all the time_ (just because they settled a few weeks before), but so what? At least now Perle matches his outfits no matter what he wears as a white cat with green eyes.

Then he meets a gorgeous boy named Blaine Anderson, who serenades him with Katy Perry and buys him coffee. He's even introduced to Blaine's friends, Wes (who has a chameleon daemon named Mai) and David (whose daemon is a coyote named Fiona). After they leave the room, Blaine studies him for a moment before asking gently, "I take it you're having trouble in school?"

Perle makes a quiet noise, and -before he can stop himself- Kurt's mouth opens and all the feelings he keeps bottled up inside flood out. He talks about how hard it is being the only openly gay boy at his school. He talks about Karofsky and his daemon, Haley, and how none of his friends seem to notice what he's going through.

"I know how you feel," Blaine says, hazel eyes sympathetic and sincere. "I was taunted at my old school for the same reasons."

Kurt's gaze flickers to the floor, where Blaine's daemon lays quietly, watching them with big brown eyes. Blaine introduced her as Seri, but she hasn't spoken a word to them and her form is an animal he doesn't recognize. At first, he assumes Seri is some kind of fox, because of her pointy ears and long nose. But the color of her fur is brown -a beautiful mix of dark and light and tan-, with black markings on her face, neck, chest, and legs. Her tail is bushy like a fox, but it's much shorter and not as glamorous. Slowly, he glances up at Blaine, struggling to form the right words. "You mean-... You..."

"Yes." Blaine's voice is soft. "Settling late and being gay."

_It's not just me, _Kurt thinks with relief as he listens to Blaine's story of going to the faculty at his old school for help, but how they turned him away, because -honestly- what did he expect? Didn't he know his sexuality _caused _such consequences? So he left and came to Dalton. Immediately ashamed of himself, Kurt looks down again, startled to find Perle tucking herself carefully against Seri's side. She usually keeps her distance around other daemons, even Nora. The fact that she warmed up to Blaine's daemon so quickly... "If you don't mind me asking, what is Seri?"

Blaine smiles. "She's a Nyctereutes Procyonoides." When Kurt gives him a puzzled look, he laughs and clarifies, "A raccoon dog."

"A raccoon dog," Kurt repeats, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Hey, I didn't come up with the name," Blaine says, holding his hands up helplessly.

Whatever reply Kurt is about to make dies on his tongue when Perle starts purring, loud and obnoxious. He flushes to the tips of his ears at the amused expression Blaine sends him. But neither of them expect Perle's purrs to be drowned out by a gentle rumbling. It's Seri, making a low crooning sound as Perle nuzzles her face. And Kurt watches in amazement when _Blaine's _cheeks darken with a blush.

It's so endearing, Kurt clearly isn't thinking when -heart pounding and cheeks hot- he manages to breathes out, "Want to trade phone numbers?"

* * *

><p>For the first time in a long time, Kurt is happy.<p>

His friendship with Blaine keeps growing and growing with each passing day. They exchange text messages and phone calls frequently. Unfortunately, meeting one another is harder, because of their conflicting schedules, but they make the effort to do so as often as they can. It's amazing how much they enjoy each other's company and how well their daemons get along. (Although Kurt tries not to think about that too deeply, since he has some feelings for Blaine of his own.) But Kurt knows there's nothing romantic going on between them. He tells Mercedes as much, even if she and her daemon -a grey tabby cat named Romeo- don't look convinced, but he does mean it. They're just friends, no matter how much Blaine's texts and smiles make he wish otherwise.

Then, one day, Karofsky suddenly slaps his phone right out of his hands as they pass each other in the hallway before slamming him into a row of lockers. It infuriates him, makes his blood boil, and the next thing he knows he's chasing after Karofsky into the boys' locker rooms, shouting in his face. Karofsky yells back -threatening him with bodily harm- while his Rottweiler daemon, Haley, bares her teeth at a hissing Perle.

But Kurt refuses to back down, refuses to be intimidated, and screams, "You are _nothing _but a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are!"

Before he even finishes the last word, there are lips on his and Karofsky's hands grip his face tight enough to hurt. And Kurt is so overcome with humiliation and horror, he wants to push him away. But he can't think. He can't even _breathe. _All he can do is stare at Karofsky, eyes wide, when he finally lets him go. Karofsky surges forward again, as if to force another kiss on him, but Perle throws herself at his face, clawing and biting. He and Haley howl in pain as Karofsky instinctively reaches up to pull Perle off.

Kurt gasps hard the moment Karofsky's fingers make contact with his daemon's fur. It's bad enough for Perle to touch Karofsky, but Karofsky touching _Perle_ feels violating and so wrong. He grabs Perle from him and shoves him away, trembling as he cradles Perle against his chest.

"I-..." Karofsky seems to struggle with himself. "I'm sor-..." But he never finishes. Instead, he turns on his heel and runs from the room, Haley right at his heels.

Perle is shaking in his arms. "I'm sorry," she says, voice quiet. "I was trying to stop him. I didn't mean-..."

"It's not your fault," he says and buries his face against her side. "There's nothing for you to apologize about."

"I want Seri," she whispers brokenly. She sounds so lost. The way she did all those years ago while they wandered through the house, looking for something that was already gone.

Kurt squeezes his eyes shut and clutches Perle close. "I know."

When he calls Blaine later, he's so relieved to hear his voice. Blaine understands what he's going through and actually tries to help him deal with it. His own friends are too wrapped up in their own problems to notice, and yet Blaine is the one who offers to drive all the way to McKinley so Kurt won't have to face Karofsky alone. And it's so wonderful, having someone with him.

(However -ultimately- it won't do much good. Karofsky clearly doesn't want to cooperate when he shoves Blaine into a chain link fence and Haley tries to bite Seri's ear off.)

* * *

><p>Burt Hummel reacts to the news of Karofsky's harassment about as well as Kurt thought he would.<p>

Which is, needlessly to say, _horrible_.

Kurt has always known that his father has a hot temper, but it hardly ever manifests into violence. So he doesn't expect it when Burt pins Karofsky to the wall and Nora tackles Haley, plowing her over with everything she has. He and Perle quickly throws themselves into the fray, trying to break them up. Kurt pleads, reminding his father about his recent trip to the hospital, while Perle meows plaintively. Fortunately, Burt and Nora eventually back off, but it ends with a visit to the principal (Coach Sylvester's position at the time), resulting in Karofsky's expulsion.

Although he isn't happy that things had to turn out the way they did, being able to go to school without fear is freeing. Kurt is in the best of spirits while planning Burt and Carole's wedding, which is a huge success, if he does say so himself. But then he finds out that Karofsky's expulsion was appealed by the school board and his happiness quickly dies.

"This is absolutely unacceptable," Carole snaps. Her daemon, a badger named Abraham, is also bristling with anger at the news.

Even the expression on Burt's face is stormy while Nora glowers. "This psycho threatens my kid's _life_. And some school board, made up of a bunch of people I've never met, tells me there's nothing they can do about it?"

"Oh, they can do something about it. They just decided not to," Coach Sylvester says cooly. Caesar, her lynx daemon, studies Kurt and Perle as she speaks. Kurt is positive he can see the distraught look on both of their faces. "No one reported witnessing him violent and there's no way to prove that he threatened you with violence." She goes on to explain that the school board has issued a warning to Karofsky and that she would resign from her position as principal to keep an eye on him, but that's not comforting at all.

After all, how many years has gone by with no one noticing the bullying before? It seems highly unlikely that things would change now.

In that moment, Kurt feels the hopelessness of his situation, but his father and stepmother surprise him by offering him an alternative.

Transferring to Dalton feels like running away. He knows it's silly, when being at McKinley fills him with dread. But he can't help thinking he's abandoning his friends.

They understand, of course. All of them know how important it is that Kurt is _safe_, even if he has to leave them to do so. But the looks on their faces had been so betrayed, especially Finn. And his Golden Retriever daemon, Terra, whined so piteously it nearly broke his heart.

Still, all things considered, Dalton is wonderful. The place itself is gorgeous, with its Victorian architecture and glass chandeliers. But the most amazing thing about it is how friendly everyone is, faculty and students alike. All of them try to genuinely make Kurt feel welcome. Besides Wes, David, and their daemons, Kurt has become familiar with most of the other Warblers. And it's not because he's friends with Blaine either.

He's particularly close to Nick and Jeff from in his History class. Jeff is tall and willowy with bleached blond hair. He sweeps his bangs to the side, making him look like a rock star, while his daemon -an osprey named Bridget- is poised and elegant. As for Nick, his hair and eyes are chestnut brown and his smile is warm. His daemon is an American kestrel falcon named Chelsea, who is ridiculously curious and gets into everything.

But the best thing about attending Dalton is definitely being able to see Blaine and Seri every day. They walk to classes together or hang out in the common rooms. Every once in a while they go to each other's homes, although not as often as Kurt would like. Then Blaine starts taking him to the Lima Bean, a coffee shop that serves as a midway point for them. Now, Kurt is not a coffee drinker, so his first time at the coffee shop is awkward, because he has no idea what to order. But he eventually falls into a routine and looks forward to getting coffee with Blaine.

Then Sectionals are upon them. Kurt feels a little nervous to compete against his former Glee club, but he and Perle are still excited to see them. So, as soon as he gets a chance, chance, he wanders off to look for them and see how they're doing. He finds Rachel at the concession stand, yelling at the poor man behind the counter, as Ariel hops restlessly from foot to foot on her shoulder.

Kurt stops to talk to her and is slightly taken aback by the warmth in her voice. Even Ariel chirps a greeting to Perle, who purrs back at him. He and Rachel used to clash more than they got along when he was still at McKinley. Who knew all it took was for him to be at a different school, in a different Glee club, to see this sweeter side of her?

As the conversation carries on, he asks about Finn, admitting that he hasn't spoken to him since the wedding. A shadowed look crosses her face and then Rachel mutters about how she found out about Finn's romantic fling with Santana.

"Wait. You didn't know about that?" Kurt asks, genuinely surprised. He thought the entire school knew. Santana and her nightingale daemon, Renee, practically bragged about it to the entire Glee club the very next day after it happened. And then Blaine is calling him, so he forgets all about the conversation. He focuses instead on the Warblers' and the New Directions' performances and who is going to win. It seems a little unrealistic that both Glee clubs are cleared to compete at Regionals, but he's not going to argue that decision.

It's only later that night, during his moisturizing ritual, Perle brings it up again. "You shouldn't have said that to Rachel," she tells him.

"Said what?" Kurt asks, barely paying attention. He scrutinizes himself in the mirror, making sure he covered his entire face.

"About Finn and Santana," she says. She leaps up onto his vanity and blocks his view with her head. "How would you feel if Blaine was with someone else and everyone knew about it but you?"

Kurt briefly wonders if Blaine _does _have any experience in that department, but disregards the idea just as quickly. "Don't be ridiculous. As if that would ever happen."

* * *

><p>It's Valentine's Day and Blaine is waxing poetic about the significance of the holiday while they're waiting in line to order their coffee. Kurt humors him and then Blaine is asking him if it's strange to serenade someone he may possibly have feelings for.<p>

"Not at all," he replies breathlessly and tries to ignore the way Perle starts purring. He blushes when Blaine orders his coffee for him, convinced that _he's_ the one Blaine likes, but isn't sure what to make of it when Seri stares at them, her eyes sad.

Unfortunately, Kurt finds out why when Blaine enlists the Warblers' help in singing to a _Gap employee_ of all people. He only agrees to go to support Blaine like a good friend should (and also because Mercedes made a good point about checking out his competition). But Jeremiah turns Blaine down firmly and Kurt can't help wondering if he's in a similar situation, harboring unrequited feelings for Blaine. So -because it doesn't hurt to be honest- he admits that hethought _he_ was the one Blaine was planning to sing to and ask out.

Blaine stares at him, clearly taken aback, which isn't a good sign at all. Kurt braces himself as Blaine confesses that he has no real idea what he's doing, much less have a boyfriend. He tells Kurt that he really does care about him, but doesn't want to ruin what they have now.

Blinking his stinging eyes, Kurt forces a smile. "So it's just like 'When Harry Met Sally'." Then he leans forward slightly and he lowers his voice. "But I get to play Meg Ryan."

"Deal," Blaine agrees immediately. He smiles back, making Kurt falter a little. His heart feels like it's breaking, but he tells himself that their friendship is too important to ask for anything more. However, Blaine surprises him by asking by immediately asking, "Don't they get together in the end?"

Heart lighter and smile more genuine, Kurt orders coffee for Blaine, teasingly referring to him as Billy Crystal.

Perle shakes her head at the pair of them as Seri mutters under her breath, "_Humans_."

* * *

><p>When Kurt finds out about the party Rachel is having at her house, he doesn't think much of it. After the incident with April Rhodes, he can't stand the taste of alcohol. However, when he mentions it to Blaine, he really wants to go. So, of course, Kurt gives in. Not just for Blaine, but also to see his friends again, which he hasn't really been able to do since transferring to Dalton. And, in the beginning, it really is kind of fun.<p>

Seeing the drunken side of his friends is amusing to say the least. Santana is sobbing and babbling at Sam, who is barely listening to her. Instead, he's cuddling his red-tailed hawk daemon, Monica, who looks ready to bite his nose off. Quinn and Lauren are ganging up on Puck, shouting at him for for no real reason other than to shout. Lauren's bullhorn ram daemon, Hades, stamps his hooves in warning while Quinn's daemon -Christian, a cottontail rabbit- strikes out with his powerful hind legs. Puck's poor daemon, a Rottweiler named Miriam, whines and backs away as Puck tries to defend himself against their human counterparts. Brittany is dancing on top of the laundry appliances, stripping out of her clothes for Artie, who is throwing money at her. Lyle, her swan daemon, is practically rolling across the floor and tangling himself with Artie's ferret daemon, Gretel.

Kurt politely looks away and goes to find Tina and Mercedes. They're both laughing hysterically at the way Mike is stacking plastic cups. Romeo is flopped on his back, paws sticking up in the air. Shin, Tina's magpie daemon, is rubbing his beak against the soft coat of Mike's daemon, a fox named Yue. She's usually the most collected of the group, but now she's making pleased crooning noises and nuzzles Shin back like she's still a kit.

"This is so embarrassing to watch," Perle whispers in his ear from her perch on his shoulder, so close that he can easily hear her over the blasting music. And, although he won't admit it aloud, he does agree with her.

Dancing up to Finn, he notices that -even though he is holding one of those dreaded plastic cups- he's still sober. "You're not drinking?" he asks loudly.

"No. Designated driver," Finn yells back. He glances down almost ruefully at whatever he's drinking. Terra, watching Ariel spinning dangerously through the air, huffs beside him. "What about you?"

"I'm still trying to impress Blaine. Can't get too sloppy," he replies. They both turn to the boy in question, who is twisting his body in some semblance of a dance. "Clearly he doesn't have the same concern."

Blaine's eyes brighten when he notices them and he stumbles over, Seri bounding after him. He throws his arm over Finn's shoulder, babbling about how great it is that he's brothers with Kurt.

Finn's brow furrows in confusion while Kurt leans over, trying to cover a laugh. "You having fun, Blaine?"

"Yeah! This is the best party ever!" Blaine shouts aloud, causing the others in the room to cheer at his words.

Kurt quickly dives forward when Blaine tilts dangerously and lets him lean on his shoulder. "I think you should ease up on the drinks," he says as they move away from Finn, nearly toppling over as they do so. "Do you want some water?"

"But water is a drink," Blaine mumbles against his neck.

"It's the only one you're allowed to have as of now," Kurt says, trying very, very hard to suppress a shiver. He mostly succeeds until Seri presses up against Perle, rumbling loudly, causing him to blush.

Momentarily distracted, Kurt barely notices Rachel screaming that they're playing Spin the Bottle, until Blaine grabs his hand and drags him over.

* * *

><p>This night couldn't get any worse.<p>

Even if it was just a game of drunken fun, Blaine kissed Rachel and _liked it._ Liked it so much, in fact, it took a while just to break them apart. And they even sang a duet, making lovey-dovey eyes at each other over pink microphones.

All Kurt wants to do is leave, but -as the only ones still sober- it falls on him and Finn to get everyone home in one piece. It takes two trips and a lot of patience dealing with the drunkards, but they manage it. Then it just leaves Rachel, Blaine, and their daemons. Kurt wants nothing more than to leave Rachel passed out on the basement floor and tells Finn as much, who rolls his eyes and carries her up to her bedroom. The way he handles her is surprisingly gentle, even though the way they broke up was so messy, and Kurt politely doesn't say anything when Terra does the same for Ariel.

"Kurt..." Blaine whines, sounding pained. He burrows closer against his side. "My head feels like it's about to split open."

"Well that's what happens when you drink too much and act like a complete idiot," he snaps.

Their daemons and Blaine stare at him, clearly taken aback, but Kurt doesn't apologize. As soon as Finn comes back downstairs, they carry Blaine out to the car and help him into the backseat. Perle and the other daemons pile in too, carefully avoiding Blaine as he tosses and turns.

"Should we drive him home?" Finn asks, watching Blaine out of the rear view mirror. "His car is still at our house."

Kurt hears groaning from the backseat, but doesn't turn around. "I'm tired. Let's worry about that tomorrow."

Finn glances at him sharply. "I don't know if Burt will-..."

"Nothing is going to happen," Kurt interrupts impatiently, glaring out the window because he can't bear to look at anyone in the face. "Blaine already made it very clear that he'd sooner kiss a girl than me."

The rest of the car ride falls into an uncomfortable silence. He knows he's responsible for it, but can't find it within himself to care.

As soon as they get him out of the car, Kurt helps Blaine up to his room, avoiding Finn's gaze. He hears Terra mutter something under her breath, but then he's closing the door and shoving Blaine on to his bed. Seri curls up on the floor and Perle immediately lays over her, almost protectively.

Making sure not to look in their direction, Kurt fumbles to take off Blaine's coat and shoes. Big, imploring hazel eyes watch his every move and he swallows hard, refusing to cry.

Blaine places a hand on his arm that he's too tired to shake off. "Kurt," he mumbles, slurring slightly. "Kurt. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" he asks, feeling defeated. _He's_ the one who always wants what he can't have. Always.

That warm, calloused hand on his arm travels up and whispers over the skin of his neck, before cupping his cheek. "You're upset. Why are you upset?"

"If you have to _ask_, you obviously don't care," Kurt says bitterly. He tries to pull away, but Blaine catches his wrist and drags him down onto the bed with him. Stifling a yelp, Kurt stares as Blaine arranges them so that they're facing each other, his hazel eyes gentle and somber in the dark.

"Of course I care about you." Blaine sounds so serious, no one would have known he was drunk if it wasn't for the smell of alcohol on his breath. "I just wasn't lying when I told you that I don't know what I'm doing."

Kurt can hear their daemons shuffling at the foot of the bed, but he can't tear his eyes away from the beautiful boy before him. And it makes his heart ache, that Blaine is so close but so far out of his grasp.

"But the one thing I'm completely sure of, Kurt," Blaine says drowsily. "Is how important you are to me."

Eyes filling with tears, he lays his hand on his cheek. "Go to sleep, Blaine," he whispers.

Obediently, he closes his eyes but Kurt stays awake for a long time, threading his fingers through curly hair and wishing this moment could last forever.

Because he knows Blaine won't remember it in the morning.

* * *

><p>At some point he must have fallen asleep, because when Kurt opens his eyes, the room is bathed in sunlight.<p>

Blinking, he finds Blaine's face dangerously close to his and his arm resting against the curve of his hip. He panics for an instant, trying to figure out why they're in the same bed. But then the events from the night before come flooding back, along with Blaine and Rachel's kiss at that stupid party.

The thought of it breaks his heart all over again and Kurt pulls away, squirming until he's able to slip out from beneath Blaine's arm. Dark brows furrow and calloused fingers twitch, as if searching for something. But then Blaine rolls over and he sighs with relief.

Kurt glances down at their daemons, still nestled together, and gingerly steps around them. He pauses when Seri stirs from underneath Perle, lifting her head a little to stare at him with her dark eyes. Swallowing hard, he holds a finger to his lips. She makes a soft noise and lays back down, asleep in moments. A smile tugs at his lips and he shakes his head.

Now that he's awake, he might as well get started on his morning skin rituals.

When his father and Nora come into his room and find Blaine in his bed, Kurt doesn't think much of it. After all, Blaine couldn't have driven himself home as drunk as he was and it wasn't like they did anything inappropriate. But he still notices Burt giving them suspicious looks as Blaine tries to hide his hangover as best he can. Of course, Finn shifts guiltily in his chair, as if something _had _happened last night, and Kurt wants nothing more than to kick him under the table. Hard.

Fortunately, Carole is the perfect diplomat. She and Abraham keep everything under control long enough for Blaine to eat breakfast before heading home.

He stands at the edge of the driveway and watches as Blaine walks over to his car. Seri takes a moment to brush noses with Perle, pausing just long enough to stare back at him, before climbing into the passenger seat. "Are you sure you can drive yourself back?" Kurt can't help calling out.

Blaine smiles as he closes Seri's door and heads over to the driver side. "I'll be fine, Kurt. And thanks for last night." He hesitates, as if wanting to say something more, but instead asks, "I'll call you later?"

"Yeah," Kurt says quietly as Blaine flashes him another smile and drives away in his car. "See you."

* * *

><p>By the time Monday comes around, things are more or less back to normal. Kurt goes to all of his classes and rehearses with his new Glee club. Every once in a while he looks across the room at Blaine, who immediately catches his gaze and smiles. Kurt is tempted -so tempted- to bring up what happened after the party. That quiet conversation in his bedroom, curled up together on his bed. But Blaine doesn't mention it, and Kurt has read too much into things before. He isn't about to put himself through that embarrassment again.<p>

Perle and Seri, on the other hand, are even more inseparable than before. Kurt tells himself it's because of his friendship with Blaine, but sometimes out of the corner of his eye he catches Seri staring at him intently. And it makes him worry that she sees him for the desperate, lovesick fool that he is.

Then -while they're getting coffee at the Lima Bean- Rachel calls Blaine in a drunken stupor and asks him to go on a date with her. Kurt laughs at how ridiculous it is, until he realizes that Blaine doesn't decline. It suddenly blows up into a huge argument and they say awful things to each other neither of them means. Blaine storms out of the coffee shop and Kurt watches him go, feeling hurt and betrayed. The only thing worse is the look Seri gives him before leaving: rueful, sad, and pitying.

For the next couple of days, Kurt doesn't hear from Blaine. He doesn't call, doesn't even _look _at him when they're standing in the same room. And that hurts. Kurt is afraid that he's lost his best friend -lost him to _Rachel Berry_, of all people- and it's a horrible, horrible feeling.

Perle is even worse. She sulks and hisses and nearly bites Terra's ear off when Finn's foolish daemon ventures too close. She gazes longingly after Seri before turning to glare at Kurt, as if blaming him for the situation.

Kurt considers apologizing to Blaine. He really does. He hates the distance between them and just wants to make it _right_, but -while he may have gotten his compassion and his looks from his mother- he also has her pride and stubbornness.

Instead, he visits Rachel after her date with Blaine and gets roped into helping her clean up after the party from the other night. (And how she could leave a mess like this untouched for so many days completely baffles him.) He doesn't have to wait long before she brings it up and gushes about how amazing it was. There's a pang in his chest from her words, but he makes an offhanded comment to hide the hurt he feels.

Unfortunately, Rachel sees through him easily. Sitting down on the edge of the stage, she admits she's well aware of his feelings for Blaine (because he _told _her) but that it'll be better for him if Blaine ends up not being gay. It makes his blood boil, but he keeps his tone light as he ruthlessly points out that she and Blaine may be similar, but they would never have real, romantic chemistry.

A spark of challenge flares up in her eyes. "Fine," she says, the arrogance in her voice leaving him speechless. "Then I'm going to prove to you wrong. I'm going to take the beer goggles off and I'm going to kiss him sober. And if the spark is still there, then I'm taking you to your bakery of choice for a piping hot slice of humble pie."

Ariel haughtily puffs up his chest from his perch on her shoulder while Perle looks tempted to tear him to pieces.

* * *

><p>Kurt doesn't like to admit this, but he's afraid of Rachel. He's afraid of how talented she is and the way she's just <em>given <em>the solos he dreams of singing and entices every boy he's ever wanted. And he's terrified. Terrified that no matter how hard he fights or wants or tries, Rachel will always win.

Waiting at the Lima Bean for Blaine fills him with dread, especially at the gleeful look on Rachel's face. Just the look of it makes him tired and he tells her that he doesn't have a good feeling about the entire situation. Because, no matter what happens, Kurt is going to have his heart broken again. But Rachel carelessly disregards his concern. As soon as Blaine arrives, she hurries over and -not even stopping to greet him- kisses him with everything she has. Kurt nearly scalds his tongue on his coffee when they finally part, watching Blaine's face for his reaction.

A relieved breath rushes out of him as Blaine quickly turns Rachel down. Kurt slowly approaches Rachel and Ariel, who are still frozen in place. "That was hard, wasn't it?" he asks, unable to hide the triumph he feels.

However, Rachel isn't as devastated as he would have been if he was in the same situation. Instead, she storms out of the coffee shop in a song writing inspirational fury. Kurt watches her go, confused by what had happened, but thrilled by his victory none the less.

When Blaine and Seri emerge from the restroom, Kurt holds out a medium drip as Perle hurls herself at Seri, knocking them both to the floor. Blaine's lips are red, as if he rubbed at them harder than he meant to, and it takes all of Kurt's self control not to stare.

Blaine glances down at their daemons, who are lavishing each other with kisses, before meeting Kurt's gaze, almost shyly. "I guess you saw what happened earlier, huh?"

"I could say 'I told you so', but I won't," Kurt replies, handing him the cup.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt." Blaine looks at him with eyes so earnest that it makes his heart ache. "All those things I said... Can you forgive me?"

Kurt licks his lips and smiles crookedly. "Well, I suppose I could just this one. But it's only because I sort of missed you."

Blaine laughs, making him feel so much relief he's nearly dizzy with it.

_I didn't lose him._


End file.
